After "Do you want this one to be a girl?" the most common question people have asked is, "Were you guys planning on another baby?" Adam and I have discussed this in great detail and we still come up with the same answer..."Yes and no."
Here's the truth: A few months before getting pregnant, I was bitten by the "baby bug." Adam calls this, "getting stupid again." He says that after awhile, women forget about the pains of pregnancy and childbirth and can only think of little baby toes and onesies and the smell of baby heads, etc. Call it what you will, I had it.
Along with that, I also had reality...and the reality was (and is) that we were not financially prepared to have another baby or for me to stay at home and do full time "mommy-ing." That is something I've always longed for. So, despite baby-dreaming and getting Adam to admit that if we were financially stable, he would want a baby, too...we resigned to be babyless for now. I even sent him this article, telling him, "See? We're not the only ones."
There's this verse in the Bible...
"A man's heart plans his way, But the LORD directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9Our method of "birth control" is called natural family planning, so I'm pretty tuned into what's going on with my body and cycle. Well, in May, I came across a startling revelation as I was feeling pain in my lower abdomen (mittelschmertz) and looking at my chart. I ran it over to Adam and plopped it in front of him at the dining room table (and no, he was not eating).
"Look at this," I said. "It is only day 9 and I'm pretty sure I'm already ovulating! I've never ovulated this early before."
He just kind of shrugged and said, "Okay...so what does that mean?"
"That means that we could definitely get pregnant this month."
Sometimes, we ladies really gotta spell out for the men. For the next week and a half, we were just left to wonder. I was on high alert for any pregnancy-like symptom. I experienced some immediately, but was also able to explain them away with other possibilities. "Maybe I just have to pee again because I drank more water than usual today." "Perhaps the heartburn is from that meat being too spicy." It was so frustrating.
Then, we went to Zech's graduation from Bible College in Murrieta. Tom Mauch, who was one of my teachers when I went to school there, had gotten quite close to my brother during his time there. He is a wonderful old saint with a smile that just shines Jesus. During the reception, he came over to our table to say hi to the fam. When he got to me and Adam, he was asking about the boys. We introduced them.
As he was looking at them he says, "Ah, children are wonderful. Have more."
We laughed a little and looked at each other. "Have more?" I asked.
"Yes, have more. We only had one daughter and I'll always regret it. She never married, so no little grandbabies for me." As he said this, he cradled his empty arms. It was so sweet, yet sad. "So, have more. Don't worry about the money."
Adam and I looked at each other with wide eyes. The very thing we had been talking about holding us back from having another kid was the thing he was telling us not to worry about. After he walked away, I said to Adam, "I'm pretty sure that's a word from the Lord."
He replied, "It would be weird if we were pregnant, huh?"
I said, "Even if we're not, that sounds like a green light to me!"
After that is when I think the peace came and we even got a little excited about the prospect that we could be pregnant. I even told Adam that if we weren't, I wanted to try for a March baby. For some reason, that sounds like a good month to have a baby. I'm sure Michelle Lubow would agree (all three of her kids were born in March). Still, it was impossibly early to know if we were really pregnant or not, so I went back to scrutinizing whether any symptoms were true or just my imagination.
Four days later, Adam was to go on a "man-cation" with my Dad and Zech to Florida for a week. We had planned on me taking a pregnancy test the morning before he left, but we never got a chance to buy one. There was always someone else around or the possibility of running into someone we knew was too great. Ah, small town life. I thought I could wait it out, but when I went later in the day (after he had left) to pick up my prescription and saw the tests right by the counter near the checkout, I couldn't resist. Even though I was at least 3 days away from when I was supposed to start my period, my curiosity could stand it no longer. I grabbed a box that had three tests in it and as soon as I bought them, stuffed them into my purse. It was a good thing, too because on our way out, the boys and I ran into someone we knew. Imagine that.
At first I told myself I'd wait until the next morning. As it turns out, I tell myself lies. As soon as I had laid the boys down for their nap, I ran into the bathroom and peed on that stick like there was no tomorrow. Watching the test work seemed agonizingly long as I waited for the line or lines to appear. Sure enough, there were two. Even though we had so many suspicions, I couldn't believe it. I was so excited and instantly fell in love with the little one growing inside me. My motherly instinct kicked in and I wanted to do everything I could to protect and nurture him/her. Mostly, I wanted to tell Adam...but he was thousands of feet in the air somewhere over Texas. Talk about torture!
I was faced with the decision to tell him right away or plan something really neat out to tell him when he got home. For about two hours, I stuck with the latter plan. Once he called me after landing and I heard his voice, that all changed. I told him I had a picture to send him and sent him the one I had taken earlier of the test. We hung up so he could look at it. He called me back and said, "So...what does that mean?" Do you see why I said before that sometimes we ladies really gotta spell it out? Haha. When he finally "got it," I could hear the excitement in his voice and I was so relieved. For some reason, even after all we had talked about and been told, I still had this small fear that the news would only bring him stress. Thankfully, that was not the case at all.
When I told him, he was driving around the airport in the rental car waiting for my Dad and Z to get there. They did, all too quickly. It was hard enough telling him over the phone and not being able to just hug him and rejoice together, but on top of that, we had to clam up almost immediately about it. Maybe it would have been better if I had waited to tell him, but I just don't have it in me to contain myself!
It was all good, though. He got home at the end of the week, and I got that hug I needed so badly. We were able to keep it under wraps for a few more weeks, then we just had to tell the boys. We figured once we did that, we'd have to tell the world, considering their young ages. Here's the video we took of us telling them: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KqDYHErkIuY&feature=channel_video_title.
After telling our families and close friends, we put the video up on facebook to tell everyone else.
Now, I'm almost 9 weeks along. Only 31 more to go! The other day, I had my first prenatal appointment and we got to see our little peanut. We had the boys come in to see the ultrasound, too. I wanted to try and make it a little more real to them and show them there really is a baby growing in Mommy's belly.
I love ultrasounds. As weird as this might sound, I wish I had a constant window to see our baby grow. What a miracle life is!
So, there's the first story of Baby Baird's life. The first of many, I'm sure. Now, if I can only occupy my mind until we find out the sex....